LIFE LESSONS III: THE BEST LOSER by Austin Queensly (@AustinQueensly)

“You took fourth! Fourth!! What happened to the first, second or even ‘manageable’ third position!!!”

I recoiled to the sitting room to avoid my mum’s screaming but especially dreaded my father’s arrival because though I was and still am ‘daddy’s pet’, one thing is not acceptable in my home. FAILURE. And believe me; my fourth position was considered one. This memory, even after 14 years, remains ingrained in my head and with it, a fear that is now a part of my subconscious and sometimes beclouds my decision making. The fear of failure!

From my growing up years, I had this concept driven into me that failure is bad. First position in class ensured that I got a mini celebration and fourth, a strong reprimand. Don’t get me wrong because I am not condemning this method of upbringing, in fact it has made me the person I am today, always striving for excellence. However, there are always two sides of a coin.

The Penalty of Leadership

I saw this in a textbook I read recently, Introduction to Mass Communication by Stanley J. Baran and I thought it’d be nice to share with you. It’s a 1915 Cadillac Motor Car Company Image Advert.

In every field of human endeavor, he that is first must perpetually live in the white light of publicity. Whether the leadership be vested in a man or in a manufactured product, emulation and envy are ever at work. In art, literature, in music, in industry, the reward and the punishment are always the same. The reward is widespread recognition; the punishment, fierce denial and detraction. When a man’s work becomes a standard for the whole world, it also becomes a target for the shafts of the envious few. If his work be merely mediocre, he will be severely left alone- if he achieves a masterpiece, it will set a million tongues wagging.

Praying to a God I Don't Trust

So I woke up this morning to the darkness of my room. The darkness that has characterized my life for quite a while now. I stared into nothingness for a while before turning on to my right side to stare at the wall I could not see. Immediately, my brain alerted me that it was time to pray. I sighed. Not again. But by reflex I got up, put my t-shirt on and stepped outside to the corridor and before I could say Jack Robinson, my personal prayer session had begun. I knew I didn't want to but I just felt I should. I had no reason to, I thought. I'm tired of doing this every morning and still nothing has changed. Last I checked, none of my prayers had been answered. Could it be that all this was just fake? That religion is all but a blatant lie? I mean, I had read somewhere that someone said that religion is just man's excuse to explain what he can't comprehend. Nevertheless, I had this scratching feeling deep down that I should banish that thought.

LIFE LESSONS 2: MUM IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT… by Austin Queensly (@AustinQueensly)

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”

                                                                                                                           

James 1:19 (NIV)

‘No! We should stay in this bus until it gets to its park at Oyingbo before getting a tricycle to his house...’ I tried to let my mother see reason. ‘…it will save us time and stress and…’

‘Oh, you forgot about the cost part right’ my mother cut in. ‘Hiring a tricycle from Oyingbo will cost us more money, so let us just forget about it and alight at Ojota bus stop, take a bus to Yaba and from there we can get a tricycle to your brother’s house’

‘Oh…ok mum’…I said resignedly like I always did when I did not want to cause a conflict. There is obviously a flaw in our relationship. You guessed right…Communication!

How to Identify Low Self-Esteem

It's easy to want to teach people how to develop their self-esteem when some folks don't even know where they stand. So, for the next few days or so, I'm going to point out to you how to know where you stand. After now, you'll be able to identify if your self-esteem is low, or high or unhealthy. Here's how to identify low self-esteem:

1. You're always looking to other people for approval. You an never feel adequate and good enough for anything. You live on complements and other's appraisals.
2. Criticisms kill your morale. No one is allowed to say something 'candid' about you. If they do, you'll be downcast till kingdom come.

How to Overcome Pornography: Employ the Aid of Accountability Partners

I’ve always heard that a problem shared is half solved. Well, the statement may not be entirely true but I know that in this context it does apply. What I’m saying in essence is that you should have a group of people you can talk to and you can report your progress to. These people are referred to as accountability partners. You are accountable to them.

Your accountability partners should be friends you can trust, parents who can understand you, your pastor to give you sound spiritual guidance and maybe even fellow addicts who have been able to overcome their own problem too. You may not necessarily hold meetings with these people but you should talk to them regularly. The truth is, the journey out of porn addiction is not easy and there will be time when you will feel dirty again God will seem far away and you will feel unworthy to talk to Him so these are people you can always turn back to. They will advise you and help you through the rough patch.

Your accountability partners will also help you monitor your progress and see how far you’ve come. Remember to be very honest with them, and despite the temptation to try to look good before them, remember that that will not help you either. So you must come clean before them. That is the only way they can help you.

Managing Oneself...Life Lessons from Peter F. Drucker

I didn't know how little I knew and how incompetent I was until I came across Peter Drucker's article for the Harvard Business Review titled 'Managing Yourself'. We all want to live a good life. You might not want yours to be a 'big' one but at least I presume everyone would like to live right. For these reason I have done a breakdown of the subtopics Drucker discussed in this article and I will be pointing them out one after the other.

The first thing Drucker made mention of was 'Knowing Your Strengths'.

Insanely Different: Life Lessons from Steve Jobs

Be different. Don’t try to be better. Be different. These were the words that caught my attention most from the movie: Jobs. The movie produced as a tribute to the departed Steven Paul Jobs who was the CEO and Co-Founder of Apple Computers Inc. As I watched the movie I learned a lot as I have always strived to do from every good movie I see. Here are some of the lessons I have learned from Steve Jobs:

1. Whatever your dream is, as long as you believe in it and as long as you have passion, you can achieve it regardless of the opposition you face.

Know Your Weaknesses...Now Work On Them

Until recently I was always an angry person. Anger was my biggest weakness. Not money, not food, not women; anger. I would always easily blow up at the slightest provocation. I would always carry a long face. I only smiled with the people I knew and wasn't always welcoming to strangers. I had other weaknesses but anger was the most notable. And this is simply what today's article is all about. Know what your weakness is or weaknesses are and work on them. This way you become a better person for it.

For example, if your weakness is eating too much, you can meet someone who will help you out.

WHAT I LEARNT FROM A CRICKET by Austin Queensly (@AustinQueensly)

Swoosh! Swish! The water came in from all directions to drown this annoying little pest but it was apparently to no avail. This little thing held on to dear life like it had a family somewhere in its little cricket world. Or it had a job that it made a lot of money from and/or derived fulfillment.

What my fascination with this cricket was, I could not really place. However, reflecting on it a few hours later, I realized that it bordered on ‘pride’; pride that I could not get rid of an insignificant insect/pest easily. I definitely took the scripture from Philippians 3:12b out of context in my determination to get rid of this cricket from what I considered my personal space at least for the moment.

“Finally! Victory!!”… I shouted excitedly when with a final gush, I flushed the cricket down the laundry drain.

Perseverance is a word that has many synonyms and has been used severally by humans when describing themselves and is especially recurrent in resumes and cover letters. But in the real sense of the word, it is a rarity to find humans who possess that attribute regardless of gender, age, or race.

The 'But' Around Your Neck

Hi there guys, it's been quite a while since I last posted on this blog. I've been offline because I and my classmates were on an excursion and I had very little access to the internet. Over the course of the excursion I got to learn very valuable life lessons which I shall be sharing with you lot over the next few days. Today's life lesson s about character and bad behavior.
I decided to title this entry 'the but around your neck'. The inspiration behind it is simple. The person driving us was a nice man. Very kind and friendly 'but' he had a big character flaw that would never make me consider him or refer him for employment to another person. His flaw: he was never willing to be corrected and he always felt he knew too much.
The fact is that no matter how good you think you are,a little 'but' around your neck could spoil who you are and what people see you as. Check yourself. What's you biggest character flaw. When you find it, work consciously towards curing yourself of it.

How to Overcome Pornography: Cut Off Your Sources

The next step to take in overcoming porn addiction after admitting it is a problem that can ruin you and identifying your triggers is to cut off your sources. Cutting off your sources is as practical a step as it gets and it involves a whole lot of self-discipline and self-assurance that you are ready to take your recovery up a notch. It implies that you are ready to be really serious with your recovery from porn addiction.

Cutting off your sources is a simple step. It involves breaking all those DVDs and CDs, using softwares on your computer to block all those sites you usually visit. At this point you really need to build up your self-discipline. Friends can also help you out here. You can ask a friend to put in a password for that software so you won’t be able to access those pornographic sites. You can also deprive yourself of internet services as long as possible to help you curb the addiction and ultimately put it out.

Moreover, if you are the type that gets access through your phone, that is your internet data plan and your BlackBerry subscription supports you in this wise, it is time you let go of that phone. Either you cut off your internet subscription so you can only browse in public places or you change your phone to one that cannot access the internet. This is for your own good and as I said earlier, it requires a whole lot of self-discipline.

At all cost you must sever all ties with things that grant you easy access to the internet and eventually to porn sites.

THERE’S NO HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD’S APPLAUSE

I got this idea from Britt Nicole’s song ‘You’ and I think it’s time I penned it down because it has been hovering on my mind for quite some time. The song talks about seeking true love and finding happiness. The truth is that there’s never happiness when you live for the commendations of others and their applause. There is no happiness there. The only true happiness you will ever find is the happiness that comes with knowing that God loves you and would go to any length for you. This true happiness also comes from the satisfaction you get from fulfilling the purpose for which you were created. God created you not to be just another person but because there's a problem out there that He knows you can solve.

My Take on Marriage

I'm not married. Too young for that but I have seen too many failed marriages and seen too many Hollywood movies condemning marriage to want to be. But we are currently doing a program on Marriage and Family in my final undergrad year so we learn something today that made me understand that marriages fail, not because it is a failed institution, but because the people involved have chosen to let it be. I mean, aren't there countless successful marriages out there? There are. My parents' marriage is a good example of a successful one.

First, people from failed marriages do not understand a lot about marriage.

The Whole Point of Progress...A Lesson from 'Da Vinci's Demons'

I am currently re-watching a TV show 'Da Vinci's Demons'. The show is a fictional historical account of the early years of Leonardo da Vinci while he was just a young, troublesome artist and engineer. Da Vinci approached the ruler of Florence at that time, Lorenzo di Medici, and asked for the position of Military Engineer. Lorenzo agreed and appointed da Vinci. Da Vinci's job was to create military weapons for Florence as Rome was planning to attack them in war. Da Vinci proposed a three-stepped canon which would fire in quick succession. If you are well versed in history you would know that da Vinci's dream was almost an impossibility. I mean, we are talking about the 13th century when there was little technological advancement. However, despite the cynicism of everyone around him, save for his close friends, da Vinci embarked on the journey. He was finally able to produce the canon. However, at the first testing, the canon exploded, almost killing him and the royal entourage that came with Lorenzo. This made Lorenzo angry, giving da Vinci a 3-day deadline to put it right if not, he would be hanged.

How to Deal With Difficult People

You will agree with me that people are different. This difference in personalities makes some people compatible while some others aren't. You will also agree with me that no matter where we find ourselves -at work, in school, at home and in public places- we will always come across people who are difficult to relate with. Some of these people are proud while some others just lack good communication skills. You will also agree with me that it is important for you to know how to get along with people so that life can be much easier for you. The more able you are to adapt to people's personalities, the better your chances are at living a freer life. Here's how you can deal with such difficult people:

HOW TO ENJOY WHAT YOU DO: TIP 5

Embrace the positives. Learn from and then ignore the negatives. No matter how hard or bad something is, there’s usually a bit of positivity to it as it is negative too. So dwell more on positivity than on negativity. Don’t ignore negative responses and feedbacks. Examine them, see what you can learn from them and then do away with them. Most times, improvement lies in negativity but dwelling on the negatives will only make you hate things more than ever. So instead, try to identify the positives in your work and embrace those positives.

Let's Talk About The Conscience...Your Conscience

I heard the story of a married couple who lived somewhere in town (obviously). They trusted each other so much. They had 2 cars and both of them possessed keys to the 2 cars. So one day the wife was driving by a hotel- a very notorious hotel.- and she saw her husband's car. That hotel was so notorious that anyone who lodged in did so to commit wrong. That's how bad it was. So the wife drove home, took a cab, came back to the hotel. Then she drove her husbands car and went on to hide it somewhere. When the husband returned late in the night her lied that he was involved in a robbery attack and his car was snatched. Unknown to him was that his wife knew the whole truth. He was cheating on her. His wife just pulled him by the nose and showed him where she had hid the car. He felt so ashamed and embarrassed. That's the world as we have it today. People lack good moral compass and their consciences are weak or even dead.

HOW TO ENJOY WHAT YOU DO: TIP 4

Understand what can make you happy and what makes you unhappy. Realize I did not say understand what makes you happy because in the first place you won’t be reading this article if you knew how to make yourself happy. But you must understand that happiness needs to come in if you must enjoy what you do. Also, know yourself enough to know what and what makes you unhappy- how and why it makes you unhappy. When you have discovered this, it is now your responsibility to avoid what makes you unhappy and embrace those things that can make you happy from that work. If you can’t find anything in that environment that can make you happy then I suggest you can bring in external sources of happiness into your work. I think that’ll help.

HOW TO ENJOY WHAT YOU DO: TIP 3

Set a reward for every task you accomplish. For example, if you like to watch movies, you can set that as a reward for yourself. For each time you accomplish a task, you get to watch a movie or buy yourself something. Make sure you do not reward yourself without accomplishing that task. Again this is where proactivity needs to come in and you must also be disciplined enough not to cheat yourself.