Why I almost quit blogging

January 2016 was the toughest month I have ever had. I came into the year hoping for great things and it seemed like January was out to steal my joy. Things weren't going the way I had hoped. I came this close to deleting my blog and looking for something else to do. I will admit that most of my trouble was my fault. But still, it wasn't fun.

Normally, I renew my domain name in the first week of the year so it won't expire on the 7th. This time around, I couldn't do that. I didn't have the cash and I was unable to make online transactions with my debit card. The problem was with my bank. They didn't fix it on time so the deadline for renewing my domain passed. Even though they gave me a grace period, I wasn't able to fix the problem. Add this to the troubles I was already going through in my life, and I thought I had the perfect excuse to quit blogging.

One of the major problems I had was that I was going through a crisis of faith. I can't blame that on any external factors because it was totally down to my carelessness and laziness. I stopped praying and reading my Bible and focused more on trivialities. My life wasn't fun all through that time, but still, God remained faithful. I could feel him near me, but my vanity wanted none of Him. Sometimes I would lower my guard and let Him in, then just as soon I would raise it again.

My spirit suffered and recovery has been difficult. What pains me is that I knew what to do, but as you would already know, knowledge is never enough.

The fact that I was on a downward spiral spiritually also meant my work was suffering for it. I stopped performing well and fatigue set in. No amount of physical rest was enough. I knew the problem but I refused to address it from the roots. This morning, I called it quits and made up my mind to move on.

For a while now, the message from God has been clear: I let my flesh get the better of me; I had an assignment and I failed woefully at it. But God is faithful, He doesn't hold our past and weaknesses against us.

I'm hoping that February will be a far better month than January and December were for me. Those were torrid times and I don't wish for a repeat.

So that is my short story. Please don't feel sorry for me, because even I don't feel sorry for myself. I just want to put these last two months behind me and get back to doing the things God has created me to do.

Here's to a better February: a month that is fruitful in all the right ways.

PS: Someone was kind enough to help pay to recover my domain.

Photo Credit: jonas.lowgren via Compfight cc