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Who will bell the cat for me? Who will
remove the ache from my sour heart? Who will take me to the place where no one
will find me? Questions ravaging my young mind before it got polluted by my
mischievous experience. Lest I forget, dare I say I was older than my age. Oh
dear, the things I saw, did and happened to me. I walked around with heavy
weights on my shoulder given my bloated and ageing Y-chromosomes.
My skeletal existence, a scrawny looking
specimen of a child. Mentally I was skeletal, I could not even spell my name
until I was eight and when I finally did, it was a great feat, an achievement.
Physically I looked like a patient running away from his medication
administered by injection and suffering the humiliation of being held down by a
nurse with ample weight on her frame. Emotionally I had no idea what my
feelings were. I just knew I was a big bad angry guy inside my skeletal frame.
I was a beast literarily but a skinny one.
Very often I acquiesced myself the
opportunity to prove my worth even when I had no self worth. Although this was
unknown to me but I ended up knowing from my interactions with people both friends and acquaintances alike. There
were times when it was difficult to take, a bitter pill to swallow. I did
swallow it so many times and it did get stuck in my throat very often.
My existence became impaired without being
informed. Yes, my hair was shaved in my absence and several times too. How
could they have done that? Sorry I meant to say how could I have sabotaged my
own personality? I've got nothing to prove even if my credibility was built on
a shaky ground. It would have been nice to have a reinforced concrete that's
stronger than a German floor. Unknown to my noble father and mother I became
feral. I was on a feral ground. Very furry too.
I was the best amongst my equals but I was
unknown outside my circle of friends. Therein lies the motivation to be a
genius. Truth be told, my ingenuity lies in the depth of my desperation. I am
not ashamed to say this if I was I guess I would have still said it. Who will
hold me to account for my honesty? Not many if I may say.
I've always been adventurous even as a kid.
Running around and playing in the sand were the least of my physical troubles.
Climbing walls both solid ones and dilapidated ones never frightened the
daylight out of me. Climbing trees was a daily staple. An exercise done while
overdosing on foolishness. Height was the ultimate test of my manhood. I was
scared of nothing but myself. I was scared of no one but my noble father.
Growing up I was starved of telly by my
noble father so I became an actor in my own movies, an action man to the core,
nay an action kid more like. It was more Denis the Menace than Home Alone. I
never used any stunt double. I acted my own stunts. I still wear the mark of my
injuries on my forehead, a badge of my notoriety and aggressive foolishness. As
a grown man, I still act in my own movies only thrillers and never action. More
Shutter Island than Terminator.
Incredible how I live my life. A man of the
people loves being by himself, an irony I can explain but I'd spare you the
heartache. Just to give you an incline and put your mind to rest, I love
safety. By myself is where I'm safe. Where I'm not encumbered by the
unnecessary distractions of being overtly friendly and polite. It's safety
first.
I love the idea of growth. Of
multiplication and addition. Of progression. All these without inhibitions.
Maybe experiencing the full force of the Laws of Motion is essential in our
quest for greatness. Greatness is relative. Some say the sky is the limit
others say it's the beginning. Herein lies the ultimate paradox. If the sky is
the starting point, then we begin the journey at our destination. If the sky is
the limit, then we end our journey at the starting point. The mechanism of
relativity embedded in a fallacy.
I don't know where I stand on this argument
but I'm safe in my opinion remaining unexposed. If it was exposed and I'm able
to expound on my reasoning I'd be called
a great mind. I wouldn't, so pride doesn't become an arsenal in my weaponry.
Let me orally fall on my sword and bite the dust. Let the world be the judge of
my mind. Nay, I resist the temptation and I hold my peace.
Humour me with the thoughts of your latent
love. Let it neither be fiery nor fierce. Let me walk around in the
amphitheatre of the unknown without trepidation and I'd show you a great
gladiator. Let me sail to a place unknown, the mountain top and I'd bring you
the clouds. Mountain top? A boldface lie between the teeth. Why fly to the
mountain top without breathing God's own air? And why breathe the air without
touching the clouds. Kill two birds with one stone and you'd have a roasted
bird dinner with another bird to spare.
This is the factory works, the place of my
mind. Dystopian in nature, entertaining chaos with frightening regularity. I
enjoy reasonable amount of peace but only in my heart. Although not completely
Utopian yet it remains my beacon of hope. So humour me and bell the cat for me,
my mind.
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