Entry 11 by: Daniel Olushola (Twitter: @DanielOlushola)
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| Image Source: Nick Fleming |
Now,
I wouldn’t consider myself as a grown man. How can I? Should I judge myself by
the tiny strands of beards growing out of my jaw or scale myself by how much of
my statue I can frame or maybe to label myself by the little knowledge I spill,
borrowed at will from dead men long gone just to excite my admirers and submit
them to awe from my prideful display of thoughts-actually epitaphic wisdom;
heavily obsessing myself with quoting sages of ages past and losing my own
ability to think.
I
am actually not well known and it is easy for you to disregard all my
statements since I have not built an empire to match my words, I would not
consider your indifference towards my craft as sheer hatred for I know there is
an enclave in human nature where it is not unusual to pay sole allegiance to those
whose lives are scripted. I am also weakened by the temptation to want to tell
the world how much of a star I have become even as I contribute to this
project. It is common for me to always have my imaginary robe over my head, grow
vague epic beards and writing under a poor lit room, with my feathery medieval
pen weaving its tail to the tune of my eager hand as I want to be seen with
relevance.
Carving
myself into the image of what I do is a lethal toxin I would rather like to avoid;
not that I disregard men and women who in the exercise of their freedom call
themselves theologians, speakers, pastors, writers, poets, entrepreneurs or
thinkers based on the divine algorithm they have been flared with from the
beginning of time by the sovereign eternal. But framing myself could be
dangerous as I would have to live up to certain expectations but my lazy
lifestyle would not permit me. But I see tagging myself for this project is an
unavoidable pain I would rather have to bear since I am writing to readers whose
lifestyle have been flawed by rhythm. So I will submit my pride to pleas of
you; my reader and try to not bore you as I explain how much of a superstar I
have become, in my eyes with all the big books and unusual steps I am taking to
grow.
The
gruesome passage of my brother to the flip side of reality has had a huge
impact in my life. Mercilessly butchered by religious fanatics, I made it my
life goal to express my anguish; though short lived, just like medieval philosophers
would have done on their dry animal skin when they have deep thoughts to
advertise. That single moment brought the greatest tool to the fore- my ability
to express how pained I was about this world on paper. After studying the
grammatical styles of experts, I derived my own style which has seen the light
of publications equally by leading national newspapers and international
magazine. This was a start of a journey on a path I would never want my enemies
to enchant me to alter.
Same
event brought my spiritual journey to a close; I mean a complete amputation to
a pseudo-spiritual phase. Initiated into a weary, purposeless, man-centered,
materialistic, empire-building, superstar oriented Christianity for over 15 years,
my brother’s exit brought deep questions to the floor which my materialistic
god could never answered; he was always mute but I was blind to hear him in my
delusion. I left this religion decently and found Christ. He took my deceit and
gave me authenticity; he swallowed my depravity and gave me life-eternal.
I
became an entrepreneur (selling toast bread and drinks) don’t underestimate
such venture because I made lots of money but circumstances forced me to drop
out of school; temporarily. My brother’s death again swallowed my academic fund
for 2 years. But today I can fully call myself an engineer as God in his
providence used peasants to fund me through my finals-again.
Pain
has been my catalyst for growth. It has crushed me but under its brows has forged
me into the unknown peasant I am today. If you want to be unknown and
disregarded but live in ease, authenticity and an adventurous life, allow pain
to forge you and don’t hide it from people like you got life all figured out.
But if you want to be constant on screen, looking all brushed up, rich, superhuman
and untouchable, live a life scripted by society and act like toilet flies have
gone into extinction in your world; your reward would be a crushed spirit, a
weary life and a beautifully crafted suicidal note. Learn to grow through pain.
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