Angel Okwuosa Shares her #100DaysOfGrowth Story

Entry 18 by Angel Okwuosa (Twitter: @angelokwuosa)

Image Source: Isha Foundation

First of all, I must note that when I was first asked this question, I thought to myself; have I truly grown? I examined my life and although I could see elements of growth in almost all areas, the only tangible growth I could pick out was my hair growth, and to an extent even that wasn’t satisfactory. But as I examine my life in sparse but meaningful words, maybe in the process we will both see how I’ve grown (or shrunken- God forbid!)

Mentally: Mentally, I must say that my mind has opened tremendously. I’ve become more tolerant of other people’s lifestyles, and on one side that is a splendid thing. But here is where my doubt lies; is it openness or desensitization? Have I become so used to such behaviour that it no longer disturbs me? I hear certain things like gay marriage and people changing their genders and I simply don’t know how to react anymore. At a point I used to say that as long as what they are doing doesn’t harm anyone, it’s okay. But looking back, I think it does harm people mentally, psychologically and spiritually. It doesn’t matter if the hurt goes unreported or isn’t even recognised as harm; harm is harm.

Spiritually, according to a Pharisee, I’ve been shrinking. I read my Bible sparingly and I don’t fast like my counterparts. I don’t even listen to gospel music like I used to. Instead, I find myself asking questions and not leaning on what man says is right. Enoch didn’t have a Bible but the Word says that he walked with God. So I’ve decided to walk with God for as long as he gives me breath. I slack but beginning is always the hardest part of anything. Also, I’ve learnt to stop judging people so much. Disagreeing with someone’s lifestyle doesn’t have to lead to criticism. Agree to disagree and pray for the person. Love the person. I’m slowly finding my faults, and I’m realizing that it’s the person you least expect that has the ‘strong’ relationship with God. I’ve learnt that one should not be deceived by appearances.

Socially I’m improving. I don’t talk to a lot of people but the people I talk to always teach me (directly or indirectly). I associate myself with greatness and it’s amazing the kind of potential I see in everyone. I’m currently a single Pringle (lol) and although I have my moments of loneliness, I’ve realized that being in a relationship is not the starting point of my life. I’ve learnt that as long as I have God and love (basically the same thing) I’m good to go, and my friends and family are enough for me for now. Would I like to be in a relationship? Why not? But I’ve grown in my thinking and in my growth I’ve realized that I’m not completely ready for one.

How have I learnt all of this? Through trial and error and revelation; I’m constantly learning every day. I’ve learnt to not hide my flaws but to overcome them; I lean on God extra hard these days because I’ve grown to depend on him. I hope that if I’m asked for a progress report in a couple of months, I will have more to share with you.

Looking at what I’ve written, I could say that I’ve grown but not in the normal way. Usual growth is seen in length e.g. height, but just like my hair, sometimes growth can be seen in fullness. I have a lot to learn, but the important thing is to hold on to what you’ve already learnt.

Thank you for your time!

- Anaecheri Angel Okwuosa