Damilola Oguntimoju Shares Her #100DaysOfGrowth Story

Entry 15 by Damilola Oguntimoju

First off, I want to appreciate this platform for the opportunity to share. Thank you very much, David!

A few months ago, one notion came to my mind when I heard or saw the word "growth". Today, its different. I had always known I grew up too fast. I had some experiences at a rather tender age that others didn't have till much later. It was a good thing. It enabled me flow with persons much older than I and made me relate better with my peers. Hence, I had a rational, mature mind. I always thought I was ready for anything life had to dish me. However, nothing could have prepared me for the future I was about to encounter. 

I have never believed in coincidence; I still don't. Everything happens for a reason. Based on this belief, I refused to allow anyone know my National Youth Service Corps call-up number. I didn't want anyone to alter my destiny. I am one of those people that know that God loves me exceptionally. Whatever plans He has for me is perfect. So yeah, anywhere in Nigeria would be just fine. If it's God, it's good right?

I was at Hope City Camp that day, when a friend helped me check and confirm I was posted to Benue state. I think I was indifferent, since my mind was not particularly set on a state. I was cool about it. I mean, it's part of God's plan. There's purpose for everything. The only hitch is that, I'd always pictured service year with my close friends. But, it was still good. Besides, they weren't posted far away (I made it a duty to find out).

After confirming my posting, I had to leave Hope City Camp the next day in order to go and prepare. During that period, my family was going through a lot. For the first time in my life, it actually dawned on me that I was no longer a child. Though I looked like one, it was time to start making adult decisions. I was finally now on my own and my parents were handing over to me the responsibility of running my own life. It was shocking but I got over it pretty fast. Now, I was fascinated by my journey to Benue State NYSC Orientation Camp. I went with a friend who was also posted to the state. It was our first visit.

Since Benue didn't have an airport, we had to go by road. It wasn't very far, it was just 5 hours away from Abuja. I couldn't sleep during the trip, I was overly excited to explore my country. I pushed away all the stories I had previously heard about orientation camp. Little did I know, I was getting braced up for the shock of my life. I wish I could give a detailed account but I also had to get over that shock quickly. It turned out, I was simply being a brat. Life was about to happen to me.

I know the three weeks orientation camp is the worse part of my service year. I don't think I was culturally shocked, it was more like an electrocution (except, I didn’t die). I couldn't wait to go back home. While in camp, I was so sure I would be posted to the very best place Benue had to offer. I mean, this is God's favorite, right? The heavens must have been highly entertained that day because when I got my posting letter and saw a strange name, it was like a joke. Nah, we knew the cool places in Benue already. If this place was good, I would have heard about it. There must be a mistake somewhere. This must be a test of faith. God is pulling pranks on me again. I wanted to tell Him, please time out, let's just be serious for a moment. But no, I couldn't see God just yet. All I saw was a mistake.

The tears gave no notice when they started pouring. All it took was a hug from a friend. I didn't even realize I was crying. All I could think was, this must be a mistake. But what do I do? I had to make a decision fast. Should I report to my place of assignment (PPA) or not? There wasn't much to ponder on. I had to report there. It was the right thing to do. Any other step I had to take would come after that. I tend not to cry until things have deeply gotten to me. I simply couldn't stop the tears. This was beyond me. I felt alone in a company of friends. Even God felt far away. I think I had my first heartbreak. Could God really sly me like this?

The journey from camp to my PPA was so long, I thought I had exhausted all the tears in my tear glands. I even tried to sleep. I'd convinced myself that, wherever my PPA was, I wouldn't stay there. I would be taken away from there. I mean, I have God. I know people. My tears had stopped, I had a plan. The automatic refill my tear glands went through was what alerted me that I was at the local government secretariat. It was late in the night. There was no place to run. I didn't even know where I was. I was with other corp members and I think my reaction was their reality since they looked confused. I was sure I had to leave the place that night. Well, that was impossible. So, I did the only possible thing I could. I cried and cried and cried, called my family then cried some more and then I went on my knees and cried to God. I needed the time out fast. The dream was becoming a reality. He was the only one that could get me out of this mess. I needed Him to show up.

He did.

All efforts to change my PPA proved futile. I wasn't surprised. I knew I had to go back there. God made me aware, I just couldn't understand why and for what. I mean, I had never seen a worse place. It was filled with gloom. Everything screamed hopelessness and for the first time, I saw my country differently. I saw her for what she really was. I had been so wrapped up in my own little world. I had a lot to be grateful for. But I just couldn't see any good in my situation, yet. I'd never even been to my village but I was sure the condition was much better. “How would I survive here?” was all I could think. Becoming a ghost corper wasn't an option. It was against everything I stood for and my parents would never approve. My life was over.

When I got back home, I was depressed for the whole month I was home. One would think I was the only corper in that local government but I didn't care. As far as I was concerned, no one understood what I was feeling and what I was about to go through. I doubted God understood. He wasn't my favorite person anymore. He had broken our code of friendship. This was the ultimate betrayal. I didn't know if I could ever get past it. I mean, where did the village fit in the amazing plans He'd always said He had for me? I needed alone time. And so, I wallowed in my depression. 

See, the number one trick of the devil is to make you think you're going through everything alone and whatever you think you're going through is peculiar to you. That's a lie. A very big lie. No challenge is peculiar, a million other persons are going through the same. Quit making the challenge yours, it was not specifically designed for you. You're just part of the many persons going through it. Note the words "going and through", it is not a destination; it's a stage you'll pass and move on to the next. Challenges aren't constant, they pass. The only constant in them is you. If your attitude towards them can change, living becomes effortless; a joyful phenomenon.

You have to get out of yourself to change your world. Now, I'm learning that I'd be ever grateful to God, my mom and the federal government for making it impossible for me to leave that place of "gloom".  Yes, I am well aware of the irony that lies in my expression. I am simply stating the obvious. This "gloomy" place has made me discover God in the most mundane things. This "gloomy" place has made me realize that life is larger than me and I cannot affect what has not affected me. This "gloomy" place has made me see life, the world, my country in the eyes of persons whose view are different from mine and the world I used to know. This "gloomy" place has opened my eyes to what a drop of water can do to a mighty ocean. This "gloomy" place has made me realize that the most beautiful things in life are not seen with the eyes but felt with the heart. I now know that peace is not necessarily having good food to eat and feeling secured by your many friend and wealth. Peace is about having someone to share a life with, no matter how ordinary with the hope that things can only get better. I mean, what's low when you've been and seen the lowest?

Now, I see God and beauty in everything. You don't even have to look so hard. It's just there. I needed to come here to see that. If I hadn't, I don't know if I would have ever known. The service year was not supposed to be about me. It's about service, other persons besides me and the world I was not familiar with. I'm glad I never took the learning opportunity away from me. I'm glad I went through the process (maybe not with much grace and style) because, I'm better for it. Most definitely, better.