January 2016 was the toughest month I have ever had. I came into the year hoping for great things and it seemed like January was out to steal my joy. Things weren't going the way I had hoped. I came this close to deleting my blog and looking for something else to do. I will admit that most of my trouble was my fault. But still, it wasn't fun.
Normally, I renew my domain name in the first week of the year so it won't expire on the 7th. This time around, I couldn't do that. I didn't have the cash and I was unable to make online transactions with my debit card. The problem was with my bank. They didn't fix it on time so the deadline for renewing my domain passed. Even though they gave me a grace period, I wasn't able to fix the problem. Add this to the troubles I was already going through in my life, and I thought I had the perfect excuse to quit blogging.
One of the major problems I had was that I was going through a crisis of faith. I can't blame that on any external factors because it was totally down to my carelessness and laziness. I stopped praying and reading my Bible and focused more on trivialities. My life wasn't fun all through that time, but still, God remained faithful. I could feel him near me, but my vanity wanted none of Him. Sometimes I would lower my guard and let Him in, then just as soon I would raise it again.
My spirit suffered and recovery has been difficult. What pains me is that I knew what to do, but as you would already know, knowledge is never enough.
The fact that I was on a downward spiral spiritually also meant my work was suffering for it. I stopped performing well and fatigue set in. No amount of physical rest was enough. I knew the problem but I refused to address it from the roots. This morning, I called it quits and made up my mind to move on.
For a while now, the message from God has been clear: I let my flesh get the better of me; I had an assignment and I failed woefully at it. But God is faithful, He doesn't hold our past and weaknesses against us.
I'm hoping that February will be a far better month than January and December were for me. Those were torrid times and I don't wish for a repeat.
So that is my short story. Please don't feel sorry for me, because even I don't feel sorry for myself. I just want to put these last two months behind me and get back to doing the things God has created me to do.
Here's to a better February: a month that is fruitful in all the right ways.
PS: Someone was kind enough to help pay to recover my domain.
Hey David!
ReplyDeleteAll things are working for your good! I know that feeling, where instead of running to God, we run from Him!
May February be your best month yet and may doors of fulfillment open on every side! I didn't know what to say during testimony time in my fellowship yesterday. So, I picked up my phone and read Psalm 103 out loud to the congregation. It blessed my heart and it will bless yours!
Thank you Mobolaji. And amen to your prayer.
DeleteWow. I applaud the honesty of this blogpost. I pray God gives you grace to be closer to Him at all times; I pray God gives you stillness of heart to focus on Him and draw strength.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Tamara. Thank you very much.
DeleteYay David, truly, God is faithful, while reading your story, this passage came to mind: despite our unfaithfulness He remains faithul, he cannot deny himself.
ReplyDeleteThe devil probably kmows what God has in store for you this year that is why he is throwing in his strategies.
But I believe that the God who brought you this far will see you through.
Dear David, your honesty is refreshing. Thanks for sharing. These experiences are needful, they remind us that God is ALL we are and so we are more deliberate in our walk with Him. God's hands are stretched out so I encourage you to take baby steps, one after the other back to His arms. If you seek for Him with ALL your heart you will find Him. Remember what I told you, 'All you are and need are in God.' We will all be tested by life but we must hold on tenaciously to God as one struggling to breathe for Christ is our life. I encourage you to get lost in God again. No pity parties, just deliberate steps to keep the spirit fed and in charge. See you soon dear.
ReplyDeleteEloho, thank you so much for the advice. I'll definitely see you soon :)
DeleteOri. Again you have taught. Not just through your successful strides but through your shortcomings this time. Wisdom is a journey, not a destination. Your experience was all part of the journey. 👍
ReplyDeleteThank you Peter. I guess it is :)
DeleteHi David,
ReplyDeleteI admire your sincerity, life has it's dips and we can all relate with those low moments. In every experience, there's a lesson that strengthens one's resolve to succeed.
I like how you analysed the issue and worked out what the root cause might have been. Yes, the reassurance of God's unfailing love is so uplifting.
One day at a time, it will get easier.
I wish you a fulfilling February. :-)
Thank you Chinedu. May February be a great month for us all.
DeleteAww I just remembered you tweeted about your domain stuff and wanted to come check if you have it back up. I'm glad that you didn't delete it and that its back now.
ReplyDeleteI realized that most times we have the power to turn things around if we only decide to and I'm glad you decided to also.
I wish you a blessed and amazing february.
www.cassiedaves.com
Hey Cassie. Thanks for checking up on me - :)
DeleteThis sincerity hit me hard! Thanks for sharing. I can relate with it. I have been having similar trials but your testimony is very encouraging.
ReplyDeleteThe down and up cycle is real. I used to dread my down moments. until I entered the realization that every "down" was a set up for a better "up". After every "down" I usually get deeper and closer to the father of lights. I have since learnt how to maintain a constant high (of which i am still learning). I plug in to messages and listen to about 4 a week out of my pool of over 500+ messages. And the key is finding someone you always want to listen to, and in my case, Its Poju Oyemade.
ReplyDeleteDavid, I smile and say all is already well.
PS: I didn't get a feedback (reproof/remand/correction) from you on the article I sent.
A sincere and vulnerable sharing.
ReplyDeleteI guess you're in a better phase now.